December 3, 2009
What She Missed 1
A family member recently had a baby and as I looked through the photos of the happy parents with their little, tiny newborn either laying on their chests or swaddled in a sling, I couldn’t help but get a little choked up thinking about Catherine at that age. I felt a bit envious of the new baby, all of the cuddles and snuggles he was getting. I felt sad thinking that this baby’s cries were answered with a bottle, a coo, or a pat on the back while Catherine’s cries were probably mostly unmet. She missed out on so many things that most newborns get to experience. I can’t help but feel a bit jaded knowing that she missed out on so much.
One of the things that gets to me the most is seeing mothers carrying around their newborns in slings. Ever since we got Catherine and started ‘baby wearing’ her, I have noticed other mothers who do the same thing. Now that Catherine is a 30 pound, independent, non-stop toddler, my ‘baby wearing’ times are behind me and I don’t think about it as much. But ever since this new baby was born, I feel like it has taken front and center stage again. This family member of mine is a big proponent of baby wearing and seeing the pictures of her with the baby in the sling doesn’t necessarily bring back memories of Catherine and I but instead makes me imagine what it would have been like if I could have carried Catherine around as a newborn. And now it seems that I see newborns in baby slings all of the time. It stings my heart.
I do take some comfort in knowing that the missionaries, Jason and Emily, from the church in Alabama spent much of their time during their mission trip holding and caring for Catherine. But I still think that even though they were there during the day, she wasn’t getting what she needed at night. Nobody to give the midnight feedings or to comfort a cry. I roll my eyes when people think or say that this doesn’t have an impact on the way a child develops. Sure, we got her at 10 months old and that’s fairly young for China adoption standards, but a child learns so much about bonding, attaching, and trusting in caretakers during the newborn and infancy stage. How can 10 months of near-neglect not have some sort of physiological/psychological impact?
I knew that I would do everything that I could to wear Catherine as much as I could for as long as I could. I feel lucky that she was as young as she was when went to China to get her because that meant I was able to carry her in a sling for much longer. I carried her until she started walking/running and didn’t want to be carried as much(although she still wants to be carried quite a bit). Every once in a while I wish I could still stick her in a sling and walk around but my back isn’t too keen on carrying around a 30 pounder for long periods of time. I still try to carry her when I can but the days of doing housework with her on my hip or on my back are in the history books now. I just hope the time that I was able to spend with her made some sort of difference. I know it doesn’t make up for the first 10 months of her life but I hope it helped in some small way.
Dec 03, 2009 @ 18:45:16
Girl, I’m right there with you. It’s hard not to wonder what was and wasn’t met for our girls in those “short” 10 months. It breaks my heart. Every time I think about it. But, I have put Megan in the sling on my hip, I still do on occasion when she wants to be held for a long time. But, yes, it does strain my back. When she does want to be held a lot, I often sit in the rocker and we snuggle, it saves my back. Big time.