August 21, 2009

This is My Life ⁶

by Wendy • featured, My Life As It Happens

I am not going to lie to you.  My life is not perfect.  My life is full of stressors, many I have chosen and some I have not.  Most days I like a packed schedule,  but I really enjoy my downtime as well.  I am driven, especially when it’s something I am passionate about, however, I have a lazy streak that can sometimes get the better of me.  I enjoy my family and friends more than anything but sometimes I let my work take precedence, although I try not to let that happen to often.  I enjoy my work more than I do any hobby.  I would rather be doing something for my organization, or the other organizations that I assist, more than I would like to be scrapbooking, or reading (except for blogs), or painting, or watchiing TV.   I do try to dabble in some of those hobbies in order to stay well-rounded but at the end of the day,  after my daughter is down for the night, I would rather catch up on blogs or play WII with my husband.
Work isn’t my whole life though.  It doesn’t make up my full identity.

I have other roles as well, such as wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend.  All of these roles have responsibilities and actions that are attached to them.  And though for some on the outside looking in, it would seem that the work that I do makes up for most of my day, it really doesn’t.  Right now, most of my day is filled with taking care of Catherine and John.  Ever since we adopted Catherine (17 months), we have kept her home with us.  She didn’t go to daycare or to school and we rarely had a babysitter (when we did it she was watched by dear friends of ours that have loved her like their own).  The only time I have been  able to do my work is when she is sleeping, so nap times are packed full of conference calls, and more phone calls.  After she goes to bed, I catch up on everything else that has to do running my organization.  Sometimes I’m up until midnight trying to catch up.  I’m not complaining though, I chose this life and I love this life.
Our family also has an interesting dynamic because of John’s career as a firefighter.  His work schedule has him on shift  for only 9 days (full 24 hour days though)  a month.  The rest of the time he is home.  The last 7 months or so he did have a lot of overtime that he had to work which really put the squeeze on our schedules and tired me out quite a bit.  Lately though, the overtime has slowed down and we spend most of our days as a full family unit.  His schedule and the flexability of his position has allowed me to pursue my dreams in running an organization that means so much to me.  I have been so blessed to have a husband that is willing to watch Catherine full time on some days so that I can travel when needed and also gives me the time and space to work at peace for a few hours during the week.  If I’m not with Catherine, he is.  And on most days, it’s all three of us living out this life together.  We are definitely not your typical 9-5 family.
The downside of trying to be the best wife and mother that I can be and to be somewhat of a leader within the fire service is that I do get tired easily.  And when I get really tired, I tend to get sick.  I tend to go, go, go and then I crash.  I think part of that comes from the emergency services mentality and way of life.  It’s still engrained into the very fabric of my beiing.  I really have to be in tune with my body and  I have to watch how it reacts to the schedule I put together.  If I start to feel as if I am slipping, I pretty much have to put the rest of my activities on hold.  Unfortunately this can mean giving up time with friends or doing other activities that I enjoy.  It can also make me a bit of recluse at times because somedays I’m on overload with the emotions that come with working crisis interventions, traumatic deaths  and then raising a high-needs child.  On those overload days I tend to curl up in a ball on the couch and just
veg.  It also means that there are stretches of days where they only conversations that I have with my friends  and family are through text messages and facebook comments.  Lucky for me, my loved ones understand that about me and love and accept me anyway.
The upside to my life is that I am incredibly blessed with rich experiences, many that are once in a lifetime opportunities.  I get to travel all over the United States and have been around the world.  I have met some incredible people, many I get to call friends.  Most days I can’t believe I get to do the work that I do and that it has increased in a way over the last two years that has deeply blessed me.  Everyday I am in awe of the fact that I have an awesome husband and a daughter that is amazing.  I have been blessed with deep and meaningful friendships.
I absolutely love my life.  But, just because I love my life doesn’t mean that I don’t experience the occassional burnout or dissapointment.  Just because I choose to continue to work (mostly from home) while I am raising a child doesn’t mean that I can’t express my frustrations about being tired or run down sometimes.
My blog is a place where I like to share my experiences, especially so that my family and friends that don’t live near us can keep up with what we are doing.   I also like to get advice for issues that I face from those who have ‘been there, done that.’    But please, if I decide to vent about my busy schedule, or talk about feeling tired or sick, please don’t tell me that I need to give something up.  I have already given up more in this life than is even fair.  If I ask for advice on how to keep myself healthy while I travel, please don’t tell me to slow down.  My life slowed way down after I was injured fighting a fire.  Life is incredibly short.  I have witnessed that first hand many, many times.  I want to lead a full life and not miss opportunites.  Trust me, I slow down.  Just, please let me vent!
I have had a nice blog break but I have missed it tremendously.  I’m glad to be back and am looking forward to sharing the rest of the year with you.