April 27, 2009
Sitting in a Sea of Survivors Comments Off
I am here in California for the National Fallen Firefighter’s survivors conference. This nearly week long event is put together to help the spouses, parents, siblings, and children of firefighters who have died in the line of duty network with each other, have a chance to get away, take a few classes, and just heal. During this conference they are holding a special class to teach the fire service and the survivors how to put together response teams that will respond to a department and family that have experienced a line of duty death. Most states have a response team, but there are several states that either do not have one or their team is still very new. Leaders and directors of established teams were invited to come to this conference to have a chance to network with new team members as well as with the survivors. Being the founder and the director for the Texas Line of Duty Death Task Force, I was asked to come and participate. Of course I jumped on the chance.
I have been the presiding chaplain at the National Memorial for a couple of years, and also having lead the Task Force for nearly 10 years, I have a lot of experience working with the survivors (the loved ones and the departments). I just fall in love with every single family and fire department that I work with. I have learned so much from them and their experiences that it’s changed who I am and how I see the world. My perspective on life, the fire service, even my own family has changed me. Watching a father fall to his knees in grief or to see a mother or wife pin a photo of their loved one to their shirt will do that to you. I figure that the more opportunities that I have to spend around these survivors, the more opportunities I will have to learn how to take care of my families better and to also learn how I can help in the effort to prevent another death from occuring.
Our meetings are being held at the Fireman’s Fund headquarters in Novato, CA. It’s a stunning place and they take such good care of us. This morning was our first day of events and we were greeted by a walkway leading into the building lined with Novato firefighters on both sides (they call this the wall of honor). It was so neat to be greeted by each firefighter as I came in. Later, they came to the conference room where the welcome ceremony was held and lined the back of the room, so they could greet anyone that they missed. They were the nicest guys and I was impressed by their show of support.
We had about 50 or so attendees in our class today. I was say that most of those attendees were survivors. I felt like I was surrounded by a mix of grief and hope and each would pop up it’s head throughout various parts of the day. Every story is differant, every experience is devastating and yet so much compassion for new and future survivors poured out from their souls. How they can find the strength from within to be able to go out and use their pain to try and ease someone else’s just amazes me. I sat in a sea of survivors today and felt heartbroken and yet hopeful. I felt sad and angry and yet empowered. I sat in a sea of survivors today and realized that I have to do more, be better at what I do, and try harder. After so many years of doing this work, you get into a routine of doing things a certain way. I need to take it up a notch and make our Task Force even better. I had to be surrounded by the emotional highs and lows of these survivors in order to get a good kick in the pants. I think our team is fabulous but I think it can be even better.
Let me just end this post by saying that, I love, love, love what I do. I just hate that I have to do it.
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