March 23, 2009
Attachment Doesn’t Mean 2
Attachment
- doesn’t mean that just because a child makes good eye contact they are securely attached
- doesn’t mean that just because a child smiles a lot or clings to the leg of their parent they are securely attached
- doesn’t mean an attached child is a securely attached child
- doesn’t mean that a highly personable child is attached
- doesn’t mean that once a child is attached they will be permanently attached
- doesn’t happen instantaneously and can often take years
- isn’t a ‘what you see is what you get’ kind of thing, often problems with attachment are blurred by other behaviors
- is often used by adoptive parents to define a whole gamete of orphanage/post-institutionalized issues
- doesn’t mean that just because the child likes someone, that they are attached to that someone
- starts at pregnancy and is built over a lifetime. An adopted child’s attachment to their biological mother is cut short when they were abandoned/orphaned/placed for adoption. Any child that has had this experience is at risk for attachment related issues, no matter what age the child was cut short
- an insecure attachment is an attachment disorder but it can be fixed
- means that sometimes rejection isn’t ‘normal’ for the age
- problems can manifest themselves in a variety of behaviors. A child with attachment problems can be charming to others and around others but downright difficult with family
- can be fragile
- means full trust in the parent
- can happen but some have to work harder at it than others
Keeping up with the adoption theme of the month, I thought I would share some thoughts on attachment. This list comes from my experiences as an adoptee and as an adoptive parent. Some of it also comes from our therapist and other parents who have experienced attachment related issues.
Mar 24, 2009 @ 05:29:16
Amen, Wendy! The Tongginator went through a charming phase for about 10 months after we arrived home. Then the raging began. And the insecure attachment. It took another nine months to get through the worst of that. She’s now five (been home over four years) and is, for the most part, securely attached. But she still struggles to play independently and is, of course, downright charming to others while difficult with family some weeks. We still do attachment-related activities with her. She’s just a child who needs lots and lots of time!
Mar 25, 2009 @ 15:16:57
I play this list (or something very much like it) over and over again in my head daily. Always observing and analyzing LGs behavior, our behavior, and potential meanings. And as the kids get older, there are more layers to ‘see’ through because then there are age-related development phases that they are going through. trust your gut (the REAL gut feelings, not the ones you’re ‘supposed to be feeling.’)