January 21, 2009
How to Help- Part 1 5
I have a dear friend, who is young mother, that just finished up her treatment for breast cancer. On the same day she celebrated that milestone, the wife of another friend was diagnosed. I just couldn’t believe the irony in the news and just shook my head in sadness and disbelief. Not another one. Not another young woman having to battle such a nasty disease.
Thinking about both of my friends and the long journey that one has completed and the other is now starting got me to thinking about how they needed support and encouragement from family and friends. You would think that as a chaplain it would come naturally for me. You would think that I would be able to come up with a laundry list of ideas on how best to help but in reality I don’t. My first inclination is to want to say, ‘if there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.’ I hate that phrase. Most people in crisis don’t really know what they need. They just need people to do. My other inclination is to shower them with food. Isn’t it the right thing to do when someone is sick or a loved one has died, to bring them a casserole and hope that it makes it all better? Yes, a dinner is nice and it does help but it’s not the be all, end all of helping someone.
What has helped me come up with ideas on how to help someone best is by 1. making a list of unique ideas that others have done 2. scour the internet for ideas 3. talk to my chaplain mentor and 4. crack open some resource books that I have used time and time again. For the first post in my series on how to help, I am listing the books that have helped me not only as a chaplain but as a friend. These books have come through for me so many times and I highly recommend having at least one or two of them on your bookshelf.
and The Art of Support by Lee Franklin. This book I found at Hallmark.
If you have been through a crisis, what did your friends and family do for you to help get you through the toughest days?
Jan 21, 2009 @ 12:43:19
Such an interesting topic, I had a very hard conversation with a friend the other day, she was upset and I didn’t have the words to help her. (To be honest, I don’t think there were any words, but I still found it hard not knowing what to say)
I will be interested to read your thoughts.
Jan 21, 2009 @ 15:24:38
Simple, quiet comfort…just knowing they were there meant everything.
Jan 22, 2009 @ 10:11:58
Two awards for little ol’ you in my bloggy today! *HUGZ*
How to Help - Part 2 | Adoption & Fire
Feb 10, 2009 @ 11:07:58
[...] I thought this would be a great post to add to the How to Help series. Part 1 [...]
Feb 11, 2009 @ 09:36:42
This is definitely a hard topic. I have always had a hard time with this issue, but have found that even answering this question when I have been on the other side isn’t easy either. So many people offer to bring food, and still do because of the way Ric looks (he hasn’t gained any weight), but that is due to the treatments and most foods, he cannot yet eat. I have always appreciated a hug. Or even someone offering to take Chick somewhere when we were in the throws of the treatments. It is much more difficult when you have kids because all I wanted to do was protect her from the brunt of what was going on. She was old enough to know how serious things were, but she also started acting out because as an only child, most of the attention was always on her. I had friends who were able to take her to do fun things, or to relieve me with Ric so I could do something fun with her.
I found that it was difficult for me to put into words what I needed so when someone said, “I am going to come over at 6:00 so you and Chick can go to dinner alone and talk.” or “I am bringing over something for you and Chick to eat so you don’t have to cook, do you like ‘insert something here’” (most people knew I had special stuff for Ric)I found that much more helpful than, “What can I do to help you?” because there were some days I was just not able to think past that minute.