February 10, 2008

Hindsight is Always 20/20 13

by Wendy • Adoption Shmoption

Meet Emily (feeding Catherine)-
Catherine_eating

Meet Jason holding Catherine
China_trip_pictures_008

and Linda (far right)
Miles_family

These three precious people have become the light in the dark tunnel of our adoption journey.  Last week, within 24 hours of our referral, we learned more about Catherine than we could have ever hoped or dreamed.  They truly were a gift from God and something I so desperately needed, and didn’t even realize.

As soon as I announced our referral, my best friends Heidi and Lisa started researching about Fengdu SWI and the region that Catherine was from.  Almost immediately Heidi sent me a link to the Oak Mountain Presbyterian Missions of the Oak Mountain Presbyterian Church in Alabama.  Excited with all of the information my two researching friends were sending, I clicked over to the mission link.  I almost fell out of my chair when I found out that a group of missionaries had gone to my daughter’s orphanage and I started screaming when I realized they were there during the time my daughter was there.  Just a few months earlier, a blogging friend of mine, Shannon, had just found out that her daughter was taken care of by these very same missionaries.  I remember thinking how cool that was when I read her blog.  Who knew that my child would also be at that very same orphanage that Shannon’s daughter was in?  More about this later.

I immediately sent an email to Linda, a sweet-souled woman, who has taken it upon herself to find the families that adopt the children that they had taken care of while they were working in the orphanage.  We exchanged emails and she sent me a video and pointed out which pictures on their blog were of Catherine.  I couldn’t believe that our daughter was one of the babies featured on their blog.  I immediately started tearing up.  Getting these extra pictures of our little one was like finding a pot of gold.  Linda also told me that a lady by name of Emily and a man by the name of Jason were really attached to Catherine and that they would be contacting me soon.  Sure enough, I received an email from Emily.

Emily was so kind and sent me all of the pictures that she had of Catherine.  She had actually named her Ruthie while she was there, which I thought was so sweet, so many of the photos were named Ruthie.  I almost hated changing the file name over because that name had special meaning. 

I have since spoken to both Emily & Linda and have learned so much about Catherine and her personality and about the little baby that she was at the time.  What a priceless gift to be given, those early days of Catherine’s life are not forever lost to history.  She will have one more piece to claim and call her own, all because of this group.  And what a gift for me to be able to have a glimpse into her life and to see her as a baby.  This is like a small miracle.

The 2 + year wait was extremely painful for me and everything that happened within the year 2007 nearly tore my faith apart.  I became quite bitter and angry about our adoption.  I felt like I was losing hope and I definitely felt helpless.  I was so angry with God about how long this adoption was taking (along with many other deep wounds I was trying to come to grasp with) that most of my prayers involved shaking my fists at him and not saying some very nice things.  But when it came down to Catherine, we kept praying for an easy-going, laid back, fun-loving, Jesus-chasing little girl.  Who knew that I while I was throwing punches at God, there were missionaries sitting with and loving on and praying over Catherine and that they would eventually tell me that my prayers had been answered.  She is an easy-going baby with a sweet personality.

Thinking about this group, and how much they have opened their hearts to me and my quest to learn as much about Catherine as possible has restored my hope and trust in the Lord.  It may not be 100% restored but I do believe that He does use the bad for good and I can definitely see that here. 

I needed these people, their stories, their kindness, their photos more than you know.  The pain that I felt during the last two and half years of waiting did not just magically disappear when we saw her referral pictures.  Nor did it disappear when I met Emily and Linda but, they were able to soothe my pain by showing me that there was some incredible ‘God moments’ during our wait.    I have now been met with tru and deep grace.  They were there doing things for Catherine that I would not have been able to do.  That makes me happy.  And right now, the happiness supersedes the pain of the wait.

Linda, Emily and Jason are heroes in my book.  I am forever grateful for them!

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